Expectation and Assumption
Expectation and Assumption
Expectation and Assumption The problem in a lot of friendships and relationships is the combination of expectation and assumption. We expect things like understanding, comfort or support from our partners, friends or family. We think that these are natural and normal things so when we don’t get them we assume all sorts of things. If our partner doesn’t understand us we assume it’s because he or she doesn’t want to and if our friend or family member isn’t supportive or comforting it’s because they don’t care about us or they think we’re in the wrong.
These expectations and assumptions can become incredibly destructive.
There isn’t anything wrong with wanting things from a relationship, especially if you’re prepared to meet the needs of the other person. The thing is that wanting things doesn’t magically make that person capable of those things. Everyone is different and some people just might not be able to give you what you want or need. Your partner may genuinely have trouble understanding what you want and your friend or family member might not have the emotional ability to give you the comfort you long for.
The solution is communication (no surprise there) and understanding for other people’s needs and limitations. I’m not saying that you give up on looking for support or decide that you’ll just never be understood or loved – no, what I’m saying is learn who can give you what you need and want and learn about what the people close to you are capable of.
If your friend isn’t supportive in situations in which you feel like you need comfort then all you’ll ever find from them in those vulnerable moments is more heartache. Our expectations cannot create something that isn’t there and in the end it’s our responsibility to decide whom we share things with. This doesn’t make that friend a bad person it just means they’re not the right person for that moment. Sometimes talking to them can help – explaining your feelings and needs and checking in with theirs and sometimes it doesn’t because they aren’t interested in change.
It’s up to us to decide what relationships are right for us but it’s also important to understand and have consideration for the limitations and needs of others. At Conquering Life, we believe in self empowerment but we also understand and appreciate the role of community. We all need love and support in our lives but we can’t generate our needs through others. What we can do is communicate with the people in our lives and learn who the right people are. You might find that certain relationships will never work or that it had to change or maybe talking about your needs helped clarify the situation. We might not be able to create our expectations in people but we are capable of expressing our needs and making decisions about the people we spend our time with.
Understanding what the people around us are capable of can be incredibly liberating, especially for those of us who find a way to blame ourselves when our needs are not being met. Free yourself from expectation and assumption and you’ll find yourself Conquering Life!