The ins and outs of dating

DATING…

The mere word drives fear into the hearts of a great many people. I myself have quaked in the face of its implications. Dating is the ultimate self esteem test. Although in our day to day lives we seek external validation from our friends, family and co-workers, none of these relationships can cut quite as deeply as those that we are romantically invested in. That’s because mutual like and attraction are key in these particular kinds of relationships, and it involves liking on a multitude of levels. We invest ourselves, we put ourselves out there and hope that the person we like, likes us back.

As someone currently working on her self-esteem, dating has proven to be an experience rich self esteem test. Which is to say, it’s been challenging. I’ve been put through the hoops and I’ve had to constantly remind myself that I am awesome. If you’ve read any of my other posts you of course agree that at the very least I’m a brilliant writer and obviously hilarious. The stand-up comedy world is missing a star in me. Joking aside, nothing has made me question myself like dating. I am confident in one thing and that is, that I’m not changing myself to be someone’s ideal. I’m ready to share my oddballness with the world! I’m just not so keen on the self doubt that comes as soon as i realize that I like someone.

There isn’t any point in delving into the past for the reasons for this doubt. I could tell you that my father told me I was fat and worthless, or that moving from the US to Spain at 11 decimated my self esteem. It would all be true, but knowing the original cause doesn’t help me because now it’s my responsibility. I have to destroy my own self doubt, because it’s my mind regurgitating these negative beliefs.

I have to retrain my thinking styles and my belief systems. I can’t panic if I don’t get a response, over-think every angle or turn into a paranoia monster. Because that isn’t healthy or particularly attractive, but more so it isn’t necessary or really me. It’s the shit my mind hurtles at me because society had taught us that it is selfish or wrong to love ourselves or believe in ourselves. So you know what, go f*** yourself society and get ready for some self love! Reader, kindly collect your mind from the gutter, you know what I meant.

The brilliance of the ‘Thrive Programme’ is not that it’s some miracle cure, miracle cures are generally bullshit, it’s that it’s all about waking you up to yourself. It’s given me this power to be aware! and that is truly an incredible power for a human to have. Because with awareness I can make a change. If I can stop, drop and roll when I smell the smoke of an insecurity blaze then I’m more than halfway to resolving the issue. If I can take a step back from a romantic situation and see it for what it is. Just another interpersonal relationship, like any other, then I can gain a healthier perspective on my emotional investment. If someone doesn’t like me back that isn’t a reflection on me, it’s more likely a reflection on them. Not everyone will like me. The thing to remember is that I will always like me. I will always have my back! As long as I have that then I’m never alone and I’m always validated. When you’re self validated the relationships will come because you will be your true confident self and that is appealing to everyone. When we are confident in ourselves dating can be a positive experience rather than something to fear…

So, my advice to you all is, to take that first step, become self aware, make all necessary changes, love yourself, love your life and thrive!

Here’s the first step: www.thriveprogrammeweybridge.co.uk